the monstrous promises of the future

to Billyana

I am going to lie to my lovers
I am going to curse my bloodlines
I am going to draw back and cover
and detach from commiting my crimes

Only love 'll be the source of my movements
Only love'll be my weapon at war
Pale and peaceful  around me, the ocean
pounding almost ashamed at my door,

at my door
all this ocean of faces
It will drive me insane at my sleep
After all lies and filth and disgraces
I will rise on my knees just to weep

Maybe guilty and little bit rotten,
Maybe foolish and falling apart,
Maybe already nearly forgotten
and abandoned to feed all the stars;

maybe after a year or twenty
I will rise on my knees just to weep
Then, outscreaming the ocean of faces
with a wink, you will cry me to sleep